Well, hopefully that marks the end of the saga. I'm so tired of fighting already.

Perhaps you can say that I'm the one who caved in, but we're both so sick of it, something had to give.

Let's just say we both partially backed down, and that's that.

Nothing more on the issue.

While it is a fact that I don't really see my long term future in Singapore (I won't say I hate this place, but I can't see myself here forever), one of the few things I like here is the diversity, especially in terms of food.

I may not look like it, but I do enjoy eating, despite being really picky about food. And I do like the great variety of food and cuisines available here in Singapore, even though I do not like every one of them.

I mean, I was watching Everyday Exotic, a cooking show (on Discovery Travel & Living, Starhub Channel 16. Not that I'm promoting it or anything. Haha). The show is Canadian, and shows recipes using an 'exotic' ingredient.

Looking up the show, some of the 'exotic' ingredients to them are actually very common around here. Like coconuts, lychees, mangos, oyster sauce, water chesnut, papaya, ginger, lemongrass and curry. These are things one can find everywhere here.

And I guess in that sense, we are very lucky to have such a great variety of food, and that I might really miss them when I leave this place.

You never really notice how much you miss something until it's gone. This seems to apply to food, as well as people.

Oh well.

(All this talk about food is making me think about cooking. I've never really cooked before. Maybe I should start learning soon. Haha)

I was asked what was my birthday wish, and to be honest, I really had none.

Sure, there are things I would like (my own car, for example), but I'd like to think that not having anything to wish for is a good thing. It means I am content and happy with my life, and that there is nothing else that I would really want, realistically.

Even things like money, seems like a bit of an excess to me. Sure, having lots of money would be good, but think of all the things that tags along with being rich. You'll be treated differently, sometimes not very nicely, just because your bank account has quite a lot of figures. There's still that bit of negative stigma of the rich, especially after the financial crisis that has just past.

Not that I'm concerned about how others look at me, but being looked at and being treated is different. People can think I'm a rich, spoilt brat and I don't care, but when when they start treating you negatively because of your perceived value, that's where I think I draw the line. Rich or poor, I am who I am. I really detest people who judge others based on monetary value. Dollars and cents do not make the man.

So I guess what I'm trying to say here is, money isn't everything. Sure it is important, but it's not the key to happiness. Trust me.

(Boy, if I could write like that for my assignments, I'll won't have any problems. It's due on Monday and I only have 10% of what I need. Argh)

And so, here we are. 2nd February 2010. 23 years old.

No where near my planned target of financial freedom. I guess I let that dream go in search of another one. Like I said before, it doesn't matter that I'm not a gazillionaire. I'm doing something I like, and I'm happy. That's all that matters.

With the way things have been going on, I'm not even sure whether I can be happy at this moment in time. But I sure as hell will try.

I did a silly thing just now. Using http://www.formspring.me/BenArsenal (that's my page btw), I asked some girl called Lisa for advice. Here's what she said:

Would you give me advice? I'm depressed. :( by BenArsenal

Snap out of it! If you are giving off negative thoughts and energy, that is what you are attracting to yourself as well. If you just shift your perception and start to be thankful for the good things in your life (And don't say there aren't any, I know there are) you will start to notice the positive more and bring more positive in. Try to surround yourself with supportive people and realize that no one else can force you to feel anything. If you are upset, it's because you choose to be. I personally got a lot from watching "The Secret." That may not be the right route for everyone, but self help books (if you're open to their lessons) can be very motivational. I like books on the law of attraction. Even if the theory is a little far fetched, it teaches you how to focus on being happy. And it works. Give it a shot :)
xx

(It sounds like something Derrick would say. Haha)

I'm not sure whether it's true, but it did make me feel better.

Many thanks to all those who have supported me, and been there for me. It doesn't matter if there is that one person out there who I can't get along with. There's lots of others out there who I do. And that's more than consolation enough.

Best get the emo-ness out before my birthday tomorrow. Here goes...

I can't believe how things have turned out over the weekend. Every little comment or action seems to have magnifed and exploded itself into a huge fireball.

I don't really regret what I said, but the whole thing is just messing up with my bloody head, at the bloody wrong time.

I think the video sums up pretty much everything. The song is girly, but it fits nicely somehow.


Another post after midnight to come.

Just back from 'The Gathering'. (Sounds like some important meeting. Haha)

It went well mostly. They were friendly, with no hard feelings or grudges. So that was good.

I don't want to talk about her again, because I seem to be going on like a broken record. But I mean...

I wasn't expecting anything really, and I can't blame her for her reaction (or lack thereof). I was planning to do the same thing anyway if things didn't turn out well.

But it's kinda sad that a relationship with someone can deteriorate to such an extent. It's said that time heals everything. Well, it's true to a certain degree, but I guess not always. She's still the same selfish, self-centred b....(complete the rest), so I guess that's how the way things are going to be now.

While I mostly enjoyed myself, I find myself sad at the fact that I almost shed a tear on the drive home (probably the fault of those sad Clay Aiken songs on my iPod).

I don't really want to care. But it's hard. Very, very hard.

OK, shall stop getting emo now. Look at the positive side and all that. At least I get along with most people. That's something to take away from.

Finally, a short rant. Completely unrelated.

WHY IS THERE A JAM ON THE CTE AT MIDNIGHT?!!!!! WHERE THE HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE GOING?!!!!!!

OK, end post.

Sometimes I am surprised at how much people care about me. Little, insignificant me.

I guess it's what I've experienced when I grew up, but I get a bit wary about people who care a bit too much. It's that defensive wall up all over again.

But, at the end of the day, I really appreciate that people do regard me as someone, and not an anonymous nobody.

Many thanks to KL for taking the time to hear me out. It really cleared my head quite a lot.

Also to everyone who has showed some sort of concern for me. Really appreciate it.

There's still many things about me to be solved, but one step at a time.

This song came on the radio. It suddenly got me thinking. Lots of things going through my mind currently.

About good stuff. And bad stuff.

It's going to be a busy next few weeks ahead.

I don't want to be burdened emotionally once again.

Now is not the time.

Listen to the song. Maybe you'll understand. Or maybe not.

"Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There ain't so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you
There ain't so much for me
Anymore"


Good night

I don't deny it. I am a lazy arse and I like to slack.

My idea of a perfect holiday is to lie on a beach somewhere and just, well, do nothing. Stare at the sky, the sea, the pretty girls in bikinis (hey, rhyme!)....

I can't be arsed with all that adventure action stuff thingy. Sure, they are exciting, maybe. But it's something I would probably try once, maybe. But anything that requires me to exert energy is out. I just won't do it. (Anything involving the leg I probably can't as well)

So yeah. Now you know. Feel free to ask me out to slack anytime.

:D

While I do know that there are people who care about me, sometimes I wonder if there should be more.

I mean, honestly speaking, I don't have many friends. Well, I know a lot of people, and can get along with a lot of people, but friends, I dunno.

I'm going to sound like a broken record, but here goes anyway.

The other day, I was walking back to my car by myself. I was in town on a Sunday night, and I was all alone. (CBD on Sunday is extremely deserted)

The wind was blowing, and I realised, I had the business district to myself.

And I thought, isn't this nice.

If I wasn't so damn tired that day, I might have simply walked around, exploring by myself.

Again, it got me wondering, what's wrong with being alone? Why are people so afraid of being alone?

I mean, think of all the freedom you get. Nobody but yourself.

Maybe I'm right. Maybe I'm wrong. But, friends, so overrated.

I don't need to be surrounded by masses and masses of people to feel comfortable. Human being are selfish, and they completely fuck you over just to stay ahead. Well, Singaporeans anyway.

Who needs people anyway?

One of the things that comes with having a debit card is access to Internet banking, from which I can track my transaction history. Which is a good tool to monitor my spending.

While I'm doing pretty well so far and not overspending (well, not much from before actually. Most of the time it's always money in then money out, so the balance still remains), it's interesting to note what I've been spending on.

A lot of my expenses goes to food (and drinks). Apparately I eat and drink an awful lot. (Someone from class said I'm always seen with a Starbucks cup. Which is true).

Yet, all that gluttony seems to have gone nowhere. I'm still a skinny weakling after all that eating and drinking.

I know many people will hate me for that, but oh well. It's what nature gave me. I can never seem to get fat.

Now, back to my hotdog...

EDIT: I just finished three hotdogs, and I'm still hungry. See what I mean?

EDIT again: I just signed up to this. Basically people can ask me questions and then I answer. It sounds lame, but it's kinda fun. To me anyway.

Go ahead, ask me something. :D

http://www.formspring.me/BenArsenal

I'm sitting here, in my living room, watching Everton vs Man City, at 2.30am. And typing this.

I'm not going to go on a rant about people and blah blah, even though I want to, cos it'll probably bore everyone, me included. A complete waste of time.

Just, maybe, would like to mention a couple of things.

Apprantely, people do care about me. Some anyway. Which is nice, I guess. It means that I actually am something to some people.

The other thing is about my work. Surfing around a bit, it looks like some have taken the liberty to copy my stuff wholesale.

I don't know whether to feel honoured, that my work is of such quality that people feel the need to copy it, or to feel annoyed.

I guess I shall go for annoyed.

(With regards to my previous post, I will only say that, it's something I think I can only share with some people, at the moment. Will talk about it when I'm ready)

The thing about the Internet is that, not everything is what it seems.

You truly can't believe everything you see.

I have insomnia
And tonight's gonna be a long, long night...

Before I start anything, here's a link that's totally unrelated, but interesting to read.

Click

OK, now to what I really want to talk about today.

I received an invite today to a party to send off one of my friends, who's going to Australia to study.

Fine. No big deal. Just go then.

However, to cut a long story short, you-know-who is going to be there. (Mutual friends, you see)

Truth be told, my first reaction was, "Shit, I have to see her again"

While I replied that I was attending, I feel a bit apprenhensive about it. I mean, it's been so long, after all that has happened.

But the other part of me says that I should not let this bother me. After all, it really isn't about me and her already. This is for another friend who has nothing to do with all of the nonsense. The only common factor is that she's my friend and hers.

I just told myself then, I'm going to keep quiet. Turn up then and see how it goes. I won't make a big fuss, and keep a low profile.

But I bet, it's going to be awkwarddd.....

Argh.

This is going to be a nonsense post, not typical of me, but I guess this is the only place for me to write stuff, and thoughts.

Here goes.

There somehow seems to be the misconception with people that the more money one pays, the better the product, supposedly. It's as though monetary value is an indicator of quality. Well, in my humble opinion, it certainly is not. Maybe I have a distorted view of money, but I would rather say that it's different. I don't see money the same way as most people. That doesn't mean I'm wrong.

Couple of examples. Drawing into my (brief) housing agent past, I keep reading complaints by people about the high COV (cash over valuation) about resale flats in Singapore. Now, COV is basically the amount one pays over the valuation of the flat.

Now, I don't really understand why people are complaining. Firstly, COV is optional. You don't have to pay it if you don't want to. Nobody is forcing you to do so. COV is simply what the owner wants as extra, and if you don't agree, negotiate firmly with the owner as to why you wouldn't pay the money.

That said, sellers are also not free from blame. The only possible reason why owners should ask for COV, in my opinion, is that if the property is in high demand or has something really, spectacular and extra from other flats, that a premium is required. In Singapore, where flats are pretty much all the same, how many can say theirs really stand out? I doubt there are many.

But I guess it's the typical Singaporean greed, to get as much money as they can. The same people who gripe over paying an agent's their due worth for their work. They want all the money for themselves.

Moving on to another example, I shall move to football now. I happened to read a comment on a football website that a striker who cost 1 million has less expectation than one who cost 30 million (Football fans, guess who).

Now again, why? Why does 30 million come with greater expectation than 1 million? My best guess is that the team who paid 30 million wants the player very, very much, and thus bids higher so that he doesn't go to other teams. The price tag doesn't suddenly make him a fantastic player. It just means the team wants him very, very much, and that he is in high enough demand to justify that price tag. Demand is different from quality. As we can see from numerous TV contests, being popular doesn't mean being good.

I think I might have bored my regular readers, so I should stop now.

Cheerios.

Very interesting song from Paramore, one of my favourite bands. Especially what Hayley (lead singer of Paramore) said about it:

"......The truth of it is, growing up is not easy........There were a lot of times when I felt really alone or angry or insecure. I don’t always feel good at confronting people, especially people that I love......The line ‘ignorance is your new best friend’ is about how I felt I was losing people......"

It struck me as especially true, and I'm sure it does for many others too. Losing people, by choice or not, is always difficult, but it's all a part of growing up. You learn to live with it, and move on with your life.

Video:

I have been asked, on more than one occasion, why I never take a break from work.

I mean, anything can be justified if explained. But I hope people can understand why I seem so 'hardworking'. (I'm not actually. I'm quite a lazy prick)

Firstly, despite having to work every day, I don't actually have to do much. I mean, I can finish what I'm supposed to do in an hour or so, albeit a rather tightly controlled hour with deadlines and so on. It doesn't take very much to type and surf the Internet for an hour, so I reckon it's a small effort to put in.

Second, I am pretty much the only one doing what I do. Not doing it means nothing goes on the website. That certainly isn't any good, and it's rather unprofessional as well. Not to mention I don't get paid, but that's not the main point. Also, I have a deal to write everyday, and I don't like to break promises, unless I absolutely have no choice.

As I mentioned in the year end post, I am happy with what I do. There certainly have been sacrifices here and there in terms of social life, but I mean, it's bound to happen sooner or later in life. Everyone will grow up, have jobs, not have much free time and so on. It just so happens that I seem to be a bit ahead now, and got a job that requires me to do something every single day. It's just a small sacrifice towards my step of ultimate career happiness.

There will still be some who will counter-argue my point, but it doesn't matter. I made my stand and I'm sticking to it.

What a way to ring in the new year. Depriving myself of sleep, and then going completely sick.

Stayed up all night just to send my brother off to the airport at 6am (on hindsight, maybe I should have gotten some sleep before). My constant coughing made my mum insist that I see a doctor. This cough has been annoying me for three weeks now, so I thought, might as well.

Once everything was done, it was already 9.30am. I had gone 18 hours without sleep, and now I don't even feel sleepy anymore. But I stil feel sick.

And the worst thing is, after I had my medicine (including the most bitter crap I've ever had), I hurled everything out again.

I'm not even sure now if I should go later. I still have my work to do, and I'm not really in the best of conditions.

We'll see.

Here it is now, as I promised. The very long year end post to end off the year. (I'm a bit sick actually, so may have to cut it a bit short)


It seems that my life is not as boring as I make out to be. Every year seems to bring about new challenges, new events, new drama.

When 2009 began, I was just recovering from my injury, ready to pick up my life and move on from a tumultuous 2008.

I looked set to become a property agent, about to take the test (which I would later pass, proving that I can indeed study), and dipping my toes into the property market.

Well, that didn't really work out. Looking back now, if I had perservered with property, I might have made a bit of a killing. But I wasn't happy at all.

Without anything to do, my parents sort of threw me into my current course in journalism. It was a bit of a rushed thing, but it proved to be a masterstroke.

I guess I (pardon the cliche) found my calling, so to speak. I loved it.

And soon, one thing led to another, and I got myself a great job. A wonderful first step towards my dream.

Sure there has been sacrifices here and there, but ultimately, for the first time in a very, very, very, very, very long time, I can say that I am actually happy with my life. I'm no longer a lazy arse who sits around wondering what to do. I am doing what I want to do. How many people can say that at age 22?

When I was young, I actually had a target to be financially free (i.e. Don't have to work for money) by 23. Well, 23 is next year, and if I had stuck to property, I might actually have achieved it. But again, I wasn't happy. Things changed over the years, and my aim is different now. I just want to be happy, and right now, I can say that I am.

I'm stil a bit apprenhensive about 2010 though. Apparantly I seem to have quite bad luck in even-numbered years (2006 and 2008 were terrible for me), so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

On the personal front, 2009 hasn't been as eventful. Although I had to deal with three deaths. For someone who has not experienced close personal tragedy before, it was a bit hard to take. The first one especially.

Which brings me to Megan. Despite knowing her for such a short time, I felt that I learnt quite a bit from this young girl from halfway across the world. I remembered being completely devestated when I heard of her passing, mostly because I didn't know quite how to deal with it. But I guess that, things happen. Perhaps it's for the best. I will make it one of my aims in life, to visit her grave. It's only right.

Moving along, I guess it's time to talk about my resolutions for 2010. Now, I'm not normally one who believes in resolutions, but I guess I have a couple of things to aim for next year, so at least I set myself some targets now.

Resolution 1:
I want my own car. The last time I made this resolution, we were heading into 2008 and my new life with the Navy. Then they destroyed my leg and that dream got shot to pieces. Hopefully things work out this time.

The next resolution might be a bit controversial, but I'm going to say it anyway.

Resolution 2:
I want a fling. Not a relationship. A fling. Meaning none of that lovey-dovey relationship stuff. Just someone to hang out, and you know, do stuff with. What stuff, I leave it to your imagination.

It can be long term, or just a quick one that lasts a couple of weeks. Hopefully during the period when my family isn't around during CNY. I want to make use of the very rare opportunity when I am alone at home.

Anyone with suggestions, or people to introduce, or recommendations, are welcome.

(It seems very crude of me, but I don't care)

Finally, to end this rather long post, a video. This is for the guys mostly. Leighton Meester is HOT! :D


Have a happy new year everyone.